It’s incredibly hard to tell someone how long they will feel the pain of a break up and the impacts it will have on your daily life. I feel the need to say that in no means will I ever publicly name who I was in the relationship because this blog isn’t going to be about pointing fingers and blaming people. I also will not intentionally bad mouth the person I was with or attempt to refer to him in a negative way. We had an amazing 8 years together and this experience will not taint how I feel about him and the memories we have. The purpose of this blog is to share my personal experiences and how I am moving forward after heartbreak. This isn’t a place for hateful words or trash talking something that felt like “happily ever after” to me.
Let me back up a bit. I first found out that there were “issues” with my relationship the week prior to actually breaking things off. I had no real warning that there were issues, to be honest I thought we were completely fine. I was about to be interviewed for a job where he was living and we were finally going to be living in the same state again (after two years of being long distance). We also just had a really nice visit and we left on great terms. When I found out how he was feeling, I changed my vacation plans and decided to fly out to his town to discuss this in person. Not knowing what to expect made it well known to my close family and friends that this trip would likely be the hardest trip I’ve yet to make.
I tried my hardest to convince him this was a huge mistake. That he wasn’t being himself and that he was making a huge decision on such a short time span. However, there’s something that changes when someone decides they need to move on. It’s almost like the entire chemistry shifts. Instantly, it didn’t feel the same when he looked at me, or touched my back, or even gave me a kiss. In fact, it was almost like kissing a stranger.
I can’t help but to wonder if being long distance makes the break up a little easier, but in a way it makes the “what if” stage worse. What if I had moved out there sooner? What if we never took these opportunities? What if, what if, what if. The thing though is that you cannot, as hard as it may seem, live in the what if land. There’s no telling what would have happened if circumstances were different. In this case, I could’ve moved out to where he lives, far away from any friends and family I have only to find out 6 months into it, this isn’t what’s best for him any more.
To summarize, there are a few key things that I think you should do to get through the first 2 weeks of a break up:
1. Cry, cry your heart out. Cry until the tears don’t come any more. I mean really cry, ugly cry. Then, when it’s all cleared out wipe off your face, get up and go. I probably cried off and on during the week leading up to actually seeing/talking in person. I then cried my heart out after breaking up was confirmed. You have to just let yourself go.
2. Stay extremely busy. Luckily my family was in Florida and I was fortunate enough that they were willing to fly me out there. If you can, book a short trip away or take a trip home. Plan something for every night if you have to stay in town and work. Don’t go home and wallow alone. Go out, dance, eat, work out, etc. It doesn’t matter what your doing, just do something. Staying busy will keep your mind away from the “what if” land. Although your friend and family may want to sit around and talk about what happened, avoid doing that the first few days. I specifically told my family I wasn’t ready to discuss what happened or even how I felt about it. They respected that and instead made sure that any time I looked to be sitting still for too long, created activities to keep my mind clear.
3. Try your hardest not to ruin the good memories. I’m fairly certain I can contribute a good amount of this to my personality, but with every bone in my body I don’t and can’t bring myself to hate my ex. I still look back and feel compassionate towards him and the relationship we share. If you allow hatred to enter, I can promise you that it won’t help you feel any better and it will likely ruin the good memories.
For now, that’s what I have to share. More to come next week.
Until then, cheers!
Mandie & Mellow