What Does the Fox Say 2.0

” You are stronger than you think you are, You are smarter than you think you are, and You are loved more than you think you are”.

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Recap: The last “What Does the Fox Say” was more about the first 48 hours, which in my case were the hardest hours. If you are going through a break up, make sure to stay busy, mourn the relationship, and block out hateful thoughts (as much as you can).

During this week’s segment I really want to touch on the communication piece of breaking up, specifically in the first few weeks following the break. My biggest mistake was thinking we would continue texting as friends or go right into building a new friendship. Looking back now, it was way too soon to start thinking about building a new friendship, especially given the circumstances of our break up. I will admit, not communicating is probably the hardest adjustment you will go through in a break up. For us, communication via text, messenger, email, and phone calls were the things keeping us together due to the distance. There were and continue to be so many moments or life events that I long to talk to him about. Sure, waking up and not talking to someone all day is an adjustment but there’s another level of adjustment for big life events. During the first three weeks of our break up, my mother had major surgery and I finally landed a full time position at the organization I was temporarily employed for. These two huge life events were things I wanted to talk with him about, because we were best friends not so long ago. Instead, I let the events pass by and kept my communication about them to friends and family only.

There are a few key tips I have so far in terms of how to limit or eliminate communication after a break up. The first tip is to delete the text message sequence from you phone, consider deactivating Facebook and Instagram for the interim, and keep any required communication to email limit. For us, after I realized communicating as friends at this point was a mistake, I kept to email communications and only communicated about the separation of things. The second tip is to give yourself time away from communicating with your ex if you can. For me, I needed to retrieve my items back and separate our things because it allowed me to mentally close a door. It helped me move on personally. However, if you aren’t at a stage where you bought or shared things together, then I would reframe from speaking with your ex for a few weeks. Give yourself and them room to breath and adjust to the new reality at bay. My third tip is to communicate with friends and/or family more frequently to keep yourself distracted. Perhaps reach out to that friend from high school you haven’t seen in years or grab coffee with your cousin. Text your girlfriends and siblings more frequently. Anything to keep your mind off communicating with your ex.

Not communicating with your ex will be and was the hardest part of my break up. For us, our friendship meant a great deal to both of us. Losing that part is extremely hard and adjusting to no communication with someone who you talked to every day is a huge adjustment. The first few days will feel impossible to move forward, however I promise if you keep up with limited to no communication, it will get easier.

That’s all I have to share for now. See you next time.

Xoxo,

Mellow & Mandie

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