“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You”
I was at a brews and yoga class this past weekend (more on that at a later date) and the yoga instructor started and ended the class with the starting quote to this post. Sometimes in life, you do not realize you need to hear something until you do. Probably one of my biggest struggles is comparing myself to other people, specifically my ex’s new friend. However, during my yoga class it hit me. I am me and there is no one more me than me. I should and need to own my traits, personality, faults, and so forth. I should love who I am and own who I am.
Similarly, about 2 weeks after my break up my aunt was hosting one of her good friends at the house. We walked down to this same brewery for a beer (I’m sensing a weird theme with this brewery ;)). During our time there, we talked about the break up, what I was struggling with, and I took in a good amount of wisdom from both of them. My aunt’s friend said probably the most important thing I have heard in a long time during our time there. She said that not only is long distance a struggle, but dating for the length of time we had been dating was a struggle. She shared that looking back on her life, she could see differences in who she was as a person at each stage in life. In her twenties she one was version of herself, in her thirties, in her forties, and so on. Eventually, she said it flat lined but the struggle in my relationship was that we were shifting into different people and not doing it together. Along with that, I would say that neither of us put in the time or the efforts that our long distance relationship required to make sure it evolved with change in ourselves.
Looking back now, I can say without a doubt that I am a different person now than I was two years ago when we began our long distance journey. Just like I am a way different person than I was when we started dating. In my opinion, I have become a better person and a stronger woman over the past two years. My ex changed as well over the past two years. He became a happier and healthier individual than he was two years ago. Being able to do what he’s passionate about on a daily basis and also getting others to become passionate about sailing. While I do believe that our relationship could have kept going and we probably could have fixed whatever issues he was feeling, the reality is that our relationship was not meant to be, at least not at this point in our lives.
If you are in a long distance relationship or going into a long distance relationship, my biggest tip is to make sure that while both people are changing as individuals, you both actively work on making sure your relationship adapts and evolves as you both change. Plan and I mean literally schedule in phone calls, skype dates, and future trips. Make sure that the trips are equal, not just one person flying the majority of the time. Both parties have to remain invested in the relationship and put the relationship first in some instances. If you don’t invest the time and the energy in making sure your relationship keeps up with your individual changes, the likelihood of you drifting apart will be higher.
Well that’s all I have to share this week. Stay tuned for next week’s post which will have a focus on splitting personal items up after a break up. Also, look for a post late next week sharing details about my fourth of July weekend. Until then, Cheers to you being you!!!!!
Mellow & Mandie