“Success is liking who you are, what you do, and how you do it”
It’s taken me exactly 6 weeks to get a grasp on something everyone struggles with at a certain point in their life. After my heartbreak (and to be honest a period of time before it), I was struggling with how I was feeling and why. Prior to being heart broken, I was dealing with a different type of self doubt. Somewhat like approaching the end of my bachelor’s program, approaching the end of my master’s program brought on it’s own wave of self-doubt. What did I want to do now? What happens if I don’t find a job out in Annapolis or Chicago? All I knew, at the time, was that my internship was ending soon and I had an extremely temporary offer in Annapolis that made the move somewhat terrifying. What would happen if I didn’t find something permanent? What if we couldn’t afford our bills?
However, once the break up occurred, the wave of self doubt became stronger and in a way more personal. Before, I would’ve called my self doubt more career doubt than anything. At the time there were a few things I was sure about: I loved my boyfriend (at the time), I want to live with my boyfriend, I loved my “fox” (Mellow), and I did love the career field I decided on for the time being. After the breakup though, I was hit with a wave of self doubt regarding my self and my relationship. What if he never felt like he loved me? What if I never would’ve found out all the details? What if he is making a huge mistake and I’m just letting him make it? What do I do now without him? My whole future and life revolved around being with him, which is ok because I truly loved him and thought that our story was forever.
There are a few tips I have for dealing with self doubt that I’m excited to share.
1. Stop with the Comparisons
As I mentioned in my previous post, this is something that I personally struggle with. Making comparisons is something I’ve found myself doing on and off the last few months, and if I’m being honest as recent as the last few days. Between social media and the glory of free time, my mind tends to do a circle of comparing myself to others I don’t even personally know. There’s two sides to every story. There’s the story that people put up on social media (Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and even blog posts) and then there’s the side that is reality. Focus on yourself and not how others have decided to portray themselves.
2. Be in the Moment
This goes along with comparisons. Make more time for being in the moment than absorbing your time scrolling through social media sites. GET OFF THE DAMN PHONE. Seriously. Sit down at the bar and enjoy that beer without the company of your cellphone. I have done this several times over the past six weeks and have met some really awesome people. Getting to know someone new or connecting with someone minus the buzzing distractions helps build up your confidence and general happiness.
3. Take Time Off
I know, that seems crazy. Why should I take time off when the last thing my mind needs is more time to play into self doubt? Taking time off work can help free up time to do activities that will keep your mind in the present/future. Plan a trip, go to another town and explore for a day, do a museum tour, or take a hike with your pup. All of these things can help keep your mind focused on moving forward than playing with self doubt about the past.
Communicate with those who make you happy and lift up your spirits. Since my heart was broken, I’ve taken more time to reconnect and communicate with those who lift up my mood and general happiness. Go out to lunch with those work colleagues who make you laugh, play catch up over beer with that friend you haven’t seen in a while, plan a girls weekend. When you are working to get through a period of self doubt, surrounding yourself with people who make you happy will encourage you to feel better about yourself.
5. Get Your Hands Dirty
Get back to the roots, literally. Planting has been found to help people mentally and physically. By getting your hands dirty with some gardening and general yard work, you mind will be occupied and your soul will be enriched. Whenever I’m having a touch time, with self doubt or even motivation, I go back to the garden and work with my hands. Whether it’s watering, pulling weeds, or planting a fresh crop being active and in the garden helps me feel refreshed.
Remember that whatever goal you are working towards will take time and work to achieve. It doesn’t just happen overnight. Getting through self doubt and to a place where you are comfortable with who you are takes work, time, and in some cases healing. In my situation, I can’t lie and say I’m at a place where I don’t experience levels of self doubt still. I’m still working through defining who I am now, learning more about myself, growing as an individual instead of a couple, and moving towards what I want for my future. Keep your mind and your eyes open to new opportunities. They come and go more than you may know.
Mellow & Mandie